#LoveHour is an interactive show via Twitter hosted by comedian, Kevin Fredericks, every Monday at 4pm. He offers great advice on relationships in a way we can all apply to our very own situations. Today’s topic was “10 tips to make your relationship last”. In case you missed it, I have the entire feed from his TL earlier:
Ok ladies and gentleman! It’s time for
#LoveHour, today we are talking about “How to make relationships work” 10 easy tips!!! lehgoooo!~!!
Step #1 to making your relationship last: “Take your time before starting a relationship”
People spend more time thinking about buying things online than they do about starting a relationship.
My wife buys shoes online before purchasing she reads the comments, looks at the best reviews, the worst reviews, scours the pix,
Tries the shoes on in-store if they have them, checks prices at other stores, reviews the shipping and all that for at $45 pair of shoes.
Too often we see a nice looking person and are to quick to fall head over heels for them without doing any RESEARCH!
Check that person’s twitter TL, their Facebook post, Instagram. It ain’t stalking its research.
You should spend some time researching any investment. And a relationship is an investment of your time, money etc. So take your time.
Folks will let you know they ain’t about nothing on the social networks you won’t even have to ask.
See what that person’s family is like, what their relationship with family is like. If they granny crazy, momma crazy, they may be crazy
There’s more to a relationship that seeing a fat butt in a tight dress at the club. Chances are it aint nothing but spanks anyway.
The more time you spend deciding if a person is WORTHY of a relationship with you the better chance you have of it Working.
Step #2 in making a relationship work “Decide to Love”
Infatuation typically sparks relationship but excitement and warm feelings fade over time.
Love ain’t that “butterflies in your stomach” feeling. Save that for the movies where it belongs.
Deciding to love is deciding that I’m going to work on this because I want it to work. Love is a choice.
If you want your relationship to work express your love for that person and vice versa.
Deciding to Love means that even when they get on your nerves you aren’t gonna up and leave.
I get on my wife’s nerves at least once a day if she wanted to leave for every time we wouldn’t have nothing.
Step #3 in making a relationship work “Communicate”
Communication seems so easy people often over look all its aspects and intricacies.
Sometimes communication is as simple as letting your partner know what your weekend plans are. So their plans don’t cause conflict
have meaningful conversations. discuss life, work, dreams, family, dreams fears as well what bothers you etc.
The more calm and meaningful conversations you have the less unnecessary arguments you have to deal with.
For Example: The simple act of me telling my wife i want to be a great stand up comedian and when I’m not performing i sit in the green room
And i leave after my set or go back to the green room. Helps to ease her thoughts of other women pushing up on me at shows.
If all she sees are the pictures of course her mind will wonder. But I can nip that in the bud by COMMUNICATING WITH HER
Step #4 Making a relationship work. “Be completely Honest”
Let me back up Establish Trust and then Be Completely Honest
Trust Is the concrete that builds the foundation for love.
Mutual trust is founded in respect and loyalty to each other.
When you tell your partner you are gonna be somewhere and you aren’t there. you erode their trust, if that trust isn’t rebuilt its over.
A real relationship requires honesty. Both in saying and not hiding. Keeping secrets from your partner creates a barrier between you two.
Especially if that secret is found out anyway they think 1) Why didn’t you tell me 2) what else are you hiding?
People trip on me for telling my wife everything but if I don’t have anything to hide why will she be surprised?
She may not like or agree with my feelings but she will at least know how i feel
Step #5 making a relationship last “Settle Disputes respectfully”
Only children yell and scream and throw tantrums when they don’t get their way. Adults should handle things with composure.
If you threaten to break up (or divorce) after every argument you will never resolve anything. Take that off the table and talk thru it.
Sometimes you have to let things breathe. It’s ok to say I’m to upset to talk about this we can come back to it in an hour
I used to try and pressure my wife into talking about it RIGHT NOW cuz thats how i was raised but she was raised the opposite
I found that giving her some time to calm down and coming back to it works for us. Which leads me to my next point.
Step #7 making a relationship work “Remember that every relationship, person, couple is different. Don’t compare it to others”
1 of the BIGGEST mistakes you can make is trying to make other people NOT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP happy about how you handle YOUR RELATIONSIHP
@mrnatejackson tries to tell me how i should explain my stand up comedy to my wife, but he don’t know my wife.
If i spent all my time trying to please what other people think my relationship should be like I would be single.
Ladies if he keeps trying to turn you into his momma let him go be with his momma.
My wife pays the bills for our family. A deacon at my church said I wasn’t a man b/c of it. Well she’s better at saving than I.
So let that deacon run his marriage the way he runs his and ill run mine the way i run mine. ANd with her at the helm we save more money
Some dudes want their wife to make them a plate. I don’t mind getting my own plate. But at functions everybody says my wife aint right.
Or says i aint a man cuz i get my own plate. Mind YOUR BUSINESS! She can feed the kids. i can make my plate. and we are both ok with that
Which leads me to my next point in making a relationship work “Keep the private things between you two between you two.”
If you run and tell your family every time they make you mad. Your family is still gonna be mad when y’all reconcile.
If you go blabbing about every little thing to your family it erodes trust, if you have no trust you have nothing.
3 more steps and I’m closing lol
Step whatever step I’m on to making a relationship work “make continual efforts to maintain your relationship”
Relationships require work. Just like a car requires, gas, oil changes, tire changes, engine work, cleaning so does a relationship
My wife and I are starkly different people than we were when we started dating at 16 years old. Life happened, we had kids, jobs, bills etc
When I got fired. My wife had to encourage, support me more than she ever had b/c I was down. Spirit broken. She had to learn that
A once confident man now started questioning himself and I needed her to remind me I was great b/c I forgot that. I had never felt that b4When her parents got divorced I had to be that rock and remind her that their misfortune was not going to be ours. I had to remind her.The same will go for you as time passes love ebbs and flows. You have to be willing to change with the times.Making a relationship work “Don’t play games” SIMPLE AND POINT BLANK! GAMES ARE FOR CHILDREN!GMaking a relationship work “Don’t play games” SIMPLE AND POINT BLANK! GAMES ARE FOR CHILDREN!Goes like this They make you mad | you give silent treatment | silent treatment makes them mad | you calm down and wanna talk | now they madAnd the last step to making a relationship work “Don’t cheat or be disloyal”Cheating destroys trust, honesty, security, it abuses the trust they gave you, it heightens insecurity, violates intimacy everything.Cheating is usually a symptom of different problem. Deal with that first and resist the urge to step out.That about sums it up! Any question before i got to Twitter Jail?Most people don’t have a healthy relationship to glean from. Most of use are products of divorce, or single parents.